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History
A Little History
A Few Ould Myths
A (very) rough guide to a couple of thousand years of Irish history.
Not to be taken too seriously...
The Original People of Ireland
Not much is known about the original people of Ireland. Legends say that the island was inhabited first by the Nemedians, then the Fir Bolga, Fomorians, and the Tuatha Déanann. The latter feature prominently in Irish myths and legends, often portrayed as a race with advanced magical or technological powers. Ireland's oldest standing structure is in Newgrange, County Meath. According to local legends and ancient texts, every winter solstice morning the local people would gather inside the monument. At dawn, if it wasn't cloudy, the light of the sun would shine directly down the central passage and illuminate the wall of the innermost chamber. The tribal elders would then entertain the people by making bunny shadows.
The Romans
About sixteen hundred years ago, off in the mediterranean, the collective Roman Empire decided to go backpacking around Europe for the summer. When they reached Britain, the Scots decided that "these bloody foreigners aren't getting in here," and put up such a fight that the Romans built Hadrian's Wall, decorated on the Scottish side with coats of arms and such, and on the other side with dead Romans.
A bit perturbed, the Romans then built great big ships and set off across the Irish Sea, landing in Dublin bay in their thousands. Luckily, they weren't an invasion fleet, only a stag party. And so, sailing rather drunkenly, they left the following Monday morning, having declared Ireland to be such a great party country that it would be a shame to spoil it.
The Vikings
The Vikings, on the other hand, weren't in a partying mood when they arrived around twelve hundred years ago. After the Vikings spent about two hundred years of trying to get in ("Er... We met a guy down the pub. Said it'd be all right if we came... Olaf, his name was."), the Irish High King Brian Boru strapped on his armour, barged his way to the front line and said something along the lines of, "Right. You Vikings. I've had enough of this. You think you're tough? Well, meet us in Clontarf at about a quarter past ten." The battle was nasty and violent, traditionally, and in the end the Vikings took the silver medal and went home.
The British
In 1155 King Henry II of England received a letter from Pope Adrian IV that gave him permission to take over Ireland. This led to some trouble a few years later when Henry's people arrived at Dublin and were asked for their credentials. "I think you'll find this is all in order," said Henry's top man as he handed over the letter, which read, "Dear Hank, feel free to take over Ireland. Yours, Adrain. P.S. Fluffy had kittens last week, they're really cute." Close analysis of the letter revealed it to be a forgery, primarily because it was on a type of paper not used by the Pope, but also because it was considered unlikely that the Pope would be unable to correctly spell his own name.
This did not sit well with Henry, who decided to pay a visit himself, along with a huge army. Negotiations were successful (and generally fatal), and Henry appointed a bunch of Norman leaders to establish large baronies throughout Ireland. King John (Henry's little boy, now all grown up) arrived in 1210 to attempt to sort out the Normans, who had made a few disturbing alliances with the Irish. John didn't have much luck: within a hundred years the Normans had been subsumed so much by the Irish that it was almost impossible to tell them apart.
Over the next few hundred years, many more attempts were made by the British to establish a stronghold on Ireland, including the legendary "Wooden Horse of Bray" trick, and a clever chain letter that read, in part, "You will find much luck if you pass this letter on to ten of your friends!!! (Also, you have to submit to British rule). A man in Ennis did not pass on the letter and was killed by a falling tree!!! A man in Sligo did, and won Ten Chickens!!!" When the chain letter failed to work, the British had the brilliant idea of recalling all their maps, drawing a big circle around Ireland and Britain, and writing "The British Isles" at the top. This gave successive generations of British rulers the excuse they needed to lay claim to Ireland: "But look at the map! See? It's part of the British Isles! See? If it's on the map, it must be true!" Replies of "What about the Irish Sea, then?" were subtly ignored.
But, bit by bit, Ireland was taken over: British noblemen were awarded big chunks of land (and the people who lived on them), over which they could rule however they wished. This led to the colonisation of Ireland by English settlers, the further dividing of the land and the overthrow of any remaining Irish rule.
The Customs House Dublin
The Famine
In the mid-nineteenth century, when things were at their absolute worst for the Irish people, things got worse still: The growing population lived in abject poverty. Everything was either taxed or prohibited. There was even a tax on windows, which were considered a luxury by the landowners and unnecessary by Apple Macintosh users. For the most part, the Irish consumed only those foods that they could grow for themselves, chiefly potatoes. Then the famine struck... The potato blight was (and remains) the biggest natural disaster to strike the Island. Over the course of two years, the population was decreased by an estimated two million, through starvation or emigration.
Politically, however, things were beginning to look a little better: in 1828 the Irish Catholics received emancipation, meaning that they were permitted to hold local office, and later to sit on the British Parliament.
Growing Dissent
Around 1867, a number of secret societies were formed among the Irish people. Chief among these were The Invincibles, who attempted to start rebellions in Kerry and Dublin. Other secret societies - such as People for the Abolition of the Nick-name Paddy - fared less well. About twenty years later the British Prime Minister William Gladstone introduced a bill of Home Rule for Ireland, a more or less nominal gesture since the Irish were still heavily taxed by Britain. The Home Rule bill was accepted by the Irish nationalist leader Charles Stewart Parnell, but rejected by Ulster. Thus, the bill did not pass the House of Commons. A second Home Rule bill in 1893 was rejectd by the House of Lords, who had felt left out the last time.
Rebellion
After many years during which the Irish people had had a tendency to express dissatisfaction at being ruled by someone else, the leaders of the various revolutionary groups began to pool their efforts, culminating in the Easter Rising in 1916, a turning point in Irish history.
Though the Rising itself was unsuccessful, it directly led to a protracted civil war, lasting until 1922, when the rebels managed to take back most of the country. At that point, with six counties in the northern province of Ulster still under British rule, the civil was was ended. It was believed at the time that further fighting would not easily win back the six counties and that it would be best to call a halt to the war and attempt to win back the six counties by political means at a later date.
A Nation Once Again
The Irish Free State was established in 1922, and lasted until 1937, when the country officially became Eire, and then the Republic of Ireland in 1949. Since that time, Ireland has been divided between the Republic and the North, with both Britain and Ireland laying claim to the six counties. However, in recent years politicians on both sides have begun talks, which have led to the disarming of many Republican and Loyalist paramilitary groups, and what is generally believed to be a better chance for peace than any time in the past few hundred years.
There are many, many myths about Ireland, some of them wholly untrue, others based on actual people, events and situations, but all of them entertaining.
Use this handy guide as a quick introduction.
Tína Nog? Perhaps...
Leprechauns
For many (except people who actually live in Ireland) the Leprechaun is the quintessential Irish icon. They are said to have magical powers, the ability to uncover secrets, and to hoard great treasure. Pots of gold, ends of rainbows, "to be sure," and all that. At all, at all.
Faeries
Conflicting legends have the Faery-folk as mildly mischevious little people with cute wings (pretty much like Tinkerbell from Disney's Peter Pan), and as terrifying demons who inhabit a sort of alternative dimension.
Tína Nog
Or 'The Land of the Young.' A place (either physical or spiritual, take your pick from the many different myths) where the Faery-folk dwell. Many of the legends about Tína Nog place it under the sea, accessed by the Giant's Causeway, or by magical spells, or particular astronomical events. Other legends have Tína Nog as a floating island that appeared sporadically: Anyone who managed to swim out to the island was granted eternal youth.
Saint Patrick
Legend has it that Saint Patrick is responsible for banishing all the snakes from Ireland. He must also have banished all the newts and other similar amphibians, because such things do not feature (and probably never did feature) in the Irish ecology.
It was also believed that Saint Patrick also banished all the spiders from Ireland, until contradictory evidence was published in 1834 by Dr. R. T. Templeton. What people thought those scary eight-legged creatures were before then is probably another myth in itself.
Another myth about Saint Patrick is that he once changed King Veretius of Wales into a wolf.
Banshee
Supposedly, a female spirit whose appearance heralds the death of someone close to the observer. The Bean Siedh (literally, Female Spirit) is traditionally dressed in white, wailing constantly, and generally appears at twilight as a young woman with long, unkempt black hair and green eyes, dressed in a white shift.
The Banshee is one of the most persistent Irish myths, and it's pretty safe to say that every Irish person knows someone who knows someone who claims to have seen or heard one.
Adh Seidh
Similiar to the Banshee, the Adh Seidh are spirits that are only seen by people who have an unclear conscience. They appear as either beautiful women who lure the evil to their destruction, or as sleek, terrifying black horses with red glowing eyes.
Finn MacCool
Said to be one of Ireland's greatest warriors. Finn studied under an old man who spent many years attempting to catch The Salmon of Truth, which according to legend would bestow ultimate knowledge on the first person to consume its flesh.
The old man finally did catch the salmon, and set it cooking over a fire. Finn was told to watch the fish, but not to eat any of it. As Finn watched, a large blister appeared on the salmon. Finn reached out and burst the blister with his finger, but the fish was hotter than he'd expected, and burned his finger. Finn instinctively put his finger in his mouth, thus gaining the ultimate knowledge.
The Children of Lir
A girl and three boys, who were turned into swans by their jealous stepmother. They were cursed to spend nine hundred years on various lakes in Ireland. When the spell was finally broken, time caught up with them, and they became three old men and one old woman. They requested to be baptised before they died, and were buried together.
Cúlainn
Acording to legend, Cúlainn was raised by four wise men who named him Setanta, and taught him warfare, magic, poetry and wisdom. He was offered the choice of a long life or fame, and he chose the latter. The wise men predicted that Setanta's first and last feats would involve killing a dog.
At the age of seven he was playing with a ball and stick when he was attacked by a large dog. Setanta threw the ball into the dog's open mouth, choking it, then beat it to death with his stick. At the end of his life, he was badly wounded, and washing himself in a stream when he saw an otter drinking the blood-stained water. He killed the otter, fulfilling the second part of the prophecy, for an otter was also known as a 'water dog'.
The Giant's Causeway
This unique formation of hexagonal pillars was long believed to be an entrance from the land of the humans into Tína Nog, the land under the sea.
Morholt
A giant who fought Tristram (of Tristram and Isolde fame) with a poisoned spear. Tristram suffered badly in the battle, but managed to win by cutting off the giant's head.
The Fomorians
A race of evil demons who according to legend were the original inhabitants of Ireland. The Formorians were undefeated until the arrival of the Fir Bolga, who were in turn conquered by the Tuatha déanann.
Scottish myths have the Fomorians as a race of relatively peaceful giants.
Myths about the Irish People
All Irish people are called Paddy, have red hair and freckles, a fiery temper, a terrible thirst and seventeen siblings. Our surnames are all "Mac" something or "O" something. We're also expert dancers and know all the words to all the Irish songs. The movie "The Quiet Man" brilliantly captures the character of the Irish people. Or maybe not... Let's tackle those preconceptions one by one.
Drink
It's not true that all Irish people are terminal drunks. There are some Irish people who do not drink, and who say that they never will. And I can vouch for the veracity of this statement, because I personally know both of these people. No, but seriously, in a recent study of alcohol consumption Ireland came nineteenth out of all the countries in Europe.
Of course, the quality of Irish whiskey (or "whisky" as some people spell it for no known reason) is legendary among connoisseurs, particularly in Ireland. There are also beers that seem to export rather well. The most well-known is probably Guinness, a very black drink that has a white foamy bit on top. Legend has it that anyone who can drink eighteen pints of Guinness in one sitting will be badly in need of the toilet. Other popular exports are Smithwicks and Murphy's (and if the latter's ads are to be believed, Murphy's was a favorite tipple of twelfth-century Samurai).
Irish wines are not well known in other parts of the world, but they are beginning to gain a reputation, especially those of the world-class winos Ernest and Julie O' Gallow.
Ireland boasts a large number of public houses (or "pubs", as people call them for convenience, and occasionally due to inebriation), in which alcoholic beverages are served. Most pubs have two sections: The Bar and The Lounge. Tradition has it that drinks are a little cheaper in The Bar, because the sawdust is easier to replace than the carpets in The Lounge. Older tradition had it that women were not allowed to drink in The Bar, but this all changed about thirty years ago when some canny publican spotted that women had money too.
Red Hair and Freckles
Okay, so many Irish people do have red hair, mainly due to the copper in the water, a leading scientist recently said. However, there are a lot of Irish people with black, brown, blonde, gray or missing hair. There are even a few who claim to have hair coloured "auburn" or "strawberry" or "silver", but they're only fooling themselves.
As for the freckles... Many people may not be familiar with freckles, so here's the opinion of a well-known dictionary:
freckle, n.
1. a small brownish spot on the skin: a localized deposit of the pigment melanin, developed by exposure to sunlight and cabbage.
Freckles generally disappear as one gets older (or maybe they all just grow into each other... It's pretty much the same thing). You can tell how old an Irish person is by counting the freckles. The formula is quite simple: (Number of freckles / height in millimetres) x (number of teeth2 / Pi). The difficult part is the counting, because even those freckles below the neckline must be included, and if you know someone well enough to count all their freckles then it's probably easier to just ask them how old they are.
Paddy
A friendly abbreviation of Patrick, or, more rarely, Patricia or, rarer still, Brian. The general conception is that all Irish men are called Paddy. Of course, this is not so. Well, maybe in some parts of the world Irish men are called Paddy, but that's not necessarily their name. Other common Irish names are Mick (often pronounced Michael or Mike) and Seamus (pronounced "Shay-mus"- it's Irish for James). Unlike in the movies, Irish women are rarely called Colleen, which is an anglicised spelling of the Irish word for "girl", cailí
As with any country, names are subject to fashion: after the 1990 World Cup a lot of newborns were named Jack, after the Irish soccer team's manager Jack Charlton. There are also a lot of Irish people in their early teens called Bono or Enya. In fact, there's even a ten-year-old boy called Van Morrison O'Reilly who goes to school with my cousin, The Edge.
The Fiery Temper
Not true. Irish people are very laid-back, and can put up with a lot of grief before losing their temper. However, we do tend to be quite excitable, which is not always the same thing.
There's an old joke about a linguist who visits Ireland on a holiday, and while he's here he notices how calm and placid everyone is. So he strikes up a conversation with an old man in the local pub, and says, "Tell me, is there an Irish equivalent of the Spanish word Mañ?" Well, the old man sits back, sups at his pint, thinks for a bit, and replies, "Yes, there is, but it doesn't have the same sense of terrible urgency."
Seventeen Siblings
Okay, so this sort of thing was true at one point. The large families came about hundreds of years ago when Ireland was a tremendously poor nation with a very high child mortality rate: having a lot of children meant a greater chance of the family surviving. Plus, of course, contraception was (and still is) forbidden by the Catholic Church. Back in those days, when times were bad and people were poor, a son was regarded rather more highly than a daughter, on the grounds that a son would be more likely to find work, and that a daughter meant a dowry. Upon the event of the arrival of a new-born, a typical conversation between two neighbours might go something like this:
"Did you hear? Mrs Murphy had her baby!"
"Jaysus, that's grand altogether! Is it a boy or a child?"
"It's a little girl."
"Ah, sure they're young still, they can always try again."
Mac, Mc and O'
The prefixes originate from the time before surnames, when a boy would be given a first name, and known as "first name, son of father's name." Mac or Mc is abbreviated from the Irish word for son. For example, Eamonn McKenna means "Eamonn, son of Kenna." Similarly, the "O'" prefix means "of". The Irish translations of everybody's name puts an "O" at the beginning if male, a "Níif they're female and not yet married, and "Uú they are or have been married. This rule can be applied to everybody on Earth, with the exceptions of Madonna (no last name) and The Artist Formally Known as Prince (too complicated).
Traditionally, the first-born son in an Irish family was named after his father, so in early times there were probably a lot of Padraig O'Padraigs around. Subsequent sons would be named after uncles, grandfathers or famous people. Daughters were always called Mary, after Jesus's mother, or after one of the female saints. Actually, they probably weren't called "Mary", but the Irish version, Maura (or some other variation on the spelling).
Irish Music and Dancing
Studies have shown that there is often a direct link between a country's national style of dance and the common sexual techniques of that country's people. Bad news for Ireland if that's true then, because our national dance style involves a bunch of men and women in skirts keeping perfectly still as their legs flail about all over the place.
Executed well, Irish dancing can be spectacular: observe the impact Riverdance has had throughout the world. Local dancing tournaments and such, tend to be a little more subdued, but no less skilful when perpetrated by experts.
Irish music has also come a long way in recent years, again popularised by shows such as Riverdance. The "Trad" sessions that take place in pubs and clubs around Ireland are much less formal affairs, often offering the amateur a chance to perform with some very gifted musicians and singers.
Unlike in the movies, Irish people are not terribly prone to spontaneously belting out a couple of verses of "Oh Danny Boy" or "The Fields of Athenry" when the mood takes them. Of course, that all depends on which pubs you visit, how drunk everyone is and whether there's a wake on at the time.
The Quiet Man
An entertaining fantasy film set in an imaginary country called "Stage Ireland", so it is, yer honour, to be sure.
Begorrah.